


Love Fades || Everlark

by tinasnewt



Category: Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games (Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M, POV Katniss Everdeen, everlark, everlark break up, katniss CRYIng, katniss and peeta in church, spirit bound
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 07:20:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11458761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinasnewt/pseuds/tinasnewt
Summary: Inspired by Spirit Bound, written by Richelle MeadPeeta has been hijacked but has overcome the worst. He never wants to see Katniss, for fear of hurting her more than he has. But he doesn't realize that by doing this, he is hurting her even more.





	Love Fades || Everlark

{Katniss POV}

I sprinted off towards the church, going in the opposite direction of my original errand. The doors were shut when I reached my destination, but a few other people were trying to slip in before all the spots were full. I entered with them, pausing to get my bearings together. It was a packed with a lot more people than I was used to seeing on a Sunday. Most of the seats were full.

But not all of them.

My hunch had been right. Peeta sat in one of the back benches. A few people sat near him, of course, but that was it. Even in a crowded church, no one else had joined him on the bench.

The pastor had already begun to speak, so I moved down the pew to Peeta's bench as quietly as I could. Silence didn't matter, though because I still attracted a fair amount of attention from nearby people who were astonished to see me sitting next to my once loved. Eyes stared and several hushed conversations began, much to the dismay of the priest up front.

When I sat beside him, the look on his face showed he was both surprised and not surprised by this.

"Don't," he said in a hushed voice, "Don't start-not here,"

"Wouldn't dream of it, Peeta," I murmured back, "Just came for some enlightenment of the soul."

He didn't need to say a word to convey me that he doubted I was here for any holy purposes. I stayed quiet throughout the service, though. Even I had boundaries. After several minutes, the tension in Peeta's body eased a little. He'd grown wary when I joined him but must have eventually decided I'd be on good behavior. His attention shifted off me and focused on the speaker, and I did my best to watch him without being obvious.

His expression was beautiful. I was so used to seeing him hide emotions that it was a bit startling for him to suddenly have thousands of them purely on his face. He was absorbed in the priest's words, his face completely and gorgeously focused. And that was when I realized he was taking everything said about sins personally. Peeta was replaying all the terrible things he'd done while hijacked. From the look on his face, you would think Peeta himself was responsible for all of the sins the priest mentioned.

When the rest of the crowd rose to take communion, I leaned over and whispered to Peeta, "If God can forgive you, shouldn't you forgive yourself?"

Peeta just sighs in return.

"I bet you thought I wasn't paying attention, didn't you?"

"You weren't. You never do. You were watching me the entire time, Katniss."

Interesting. To have known that I was watching him, would he had to have been watching me watch him? "You didn't answer my question."

He kept his eyes on the communion line while composing his answer. "It doesn't matter. I don't have to forgive myself, even if God does, which I doubt He will."

"The priest just said God would. He said God forgives you for everything. Are you calling him a liar? That's pretty profane."

Peeta groaned. I never thought I'd take this much joy in tormenting him, but the frustrated look on his face wasn't because of grief. It was because of me being persistent.

"Katniss, you're the one being profane. You're twisting other people's faith for your own purpose. You never believed in any of this, you never have. Don't pretend to now."

"I believe there is healing from what one cannot heal from," I said seriously. "The proof is sitting right next to me. I think you forgiving yourself isn't that much of a leap."

His gaze hardened, and I felt my heart stop for a moment. If he was praying for anything, he'd pray for this communion to end so he could run out of here, away from me, as fast as he could.

"You don't know what you're talking about," he said.

"Don't I?" I hissed, leaning closer. "I know exactly what I'm talking about." I continued, trying to ignore the way his beauty and overall... him-ness affected me. "I know that you've done terrible things-I experienced them. But it's in the past. It wasn't in your hands... your control. It's not like you're going to do it again."

A pained, haunted look crossed his face. "How do you know? There could still be a monster lurking inside me, maybe it didn't leave. Maybe there's still some hijacked part of me that will burst whenever it wants."

"Then you need to defeat it by moving on with your life! And not just your good boy pledge to protect Haymitch from drinking himself to death. You need to live again. You need to open yourself up to people who love you. Not shut yourself out like I did. That's how you'll save yourself."

"I can't have people loving me," he growled. "I'm incapable of loving anyone in return."

"Maybe you should try instead of just feeling sorry for yourself!"

"It's not that easy."

"Nothing we've ever done has been easy! Our life after... after the Games wasn't easy, and we made it through that! We can make it through this, too. We can make it through anything together. It doesn't matter if you put your faith in this place. What matters is that you put your faith in us."

"There is no us. I've told you that."

"And you know I'm stubborn and not a very good listener in the first place."

We were keeping our voices low, but I think our body language clearly indicated an argument. The other churchgoers were too busy to notice. I reminded myself of what Dr. Aurelius had told me, that getting Peeta angry in public wasn't going to do him any favors. The problem was, I hadn't done anything to not make him angry.

"I wish you hadn't come here," he said at last. "It's really better for us to stay apart."

"Better for who? You or me?" I cried, loud enough for the people in front of us to look back at us, shaking their heads.

"I want you to stay away from me," he said through gritted teeth, ignoring my comment. "I don't want you to keep trying to bring back feelings that are gone. That's the past. None of that's going to resurface. None of it. It's best if we act like strangers to each other. It's better for you."

The loving, compassionate feelings I had growing inside me shattered, replaced with a dark, heated fury. "If you're going to tell me what I can or cannot do, at least muster up the courage to say it to my face!" I growled in the lowest tone I could manage.

He spun around so quickly, it was like there was a murderer behind him. In a way, there was. His face was filled with a mingling of fear, anger, desperation, frustration... all adding up to his pain, him suffering in terrible agony.

"I don't want you here," he said, eyes blazing. The words hurt me. This wasn't the cold and calculating mutt. This wasn't the defeated man in the basement. This was my fellow tribute, my star-crossed love, who attacked everything in life with intensity and passion. "How many times do I have to repeat myself? You need to stay away from me."

"But you aren't going to hurt me. I know that."

"I've already hurt you. Why can't you understand that? How many times do I have to say it?"

"You told me... you told me before I left that you loved me." My lip quivered as my voice trembled in unison. "How can you let that... let us go?"

"Because it's too late! And easier than being reminded of what I've done to you!" His control snapped, his voice echoing through the back of the church. The priest didn't notice, but we'd definitely gotten the attention of the back of the church. However, I had to remind myself that no matter how furious I was at Peeta, no matter how betrayed I felt, I couldn't risk others believing he was dangerous, a threat to everyday life. A threat to society.

I turned from him, trying to calm my churning emotions. When I looked back, our eyes locked, power and electricity burning between us. Peeta could deny it all he wanted but there was still the deep calling of our souls, connecting us together. I wanted to touch him, to wrap my arms around his and hold him against me, never letting go. To reassure him we could do whatever we needed together. Without realizing it, I reached up to caress his face, and he leaped back like I was a python.

He did nothing after, except stare at me with a look that made my blood run cold. Like I was something strange and bad. "Katniss. Please stop. Please stay away." He was working hard to stay calm.

I shot up now, as angry and frustrated as him. I had a feeling if I stayed, we'd both snap. In an undertone, I murmured, "This isn't over. I haven't given up on you."

"I've given up on you," he said back, voice also soft. "Love fades. Mine has."

I stared at him in disbelief. All this time, he'd never phrased it like that. His protests had always been about he was some sort of monster, lurking in the shadows, waiting to pounce on its prey. Love fades. Mine has.

I backed up, the sting of those words hitting me as hard as if he'd actually slapped me across the face. Something shifted in his features, maybe a knowing look as he realized how much he'd just hurt me. I didn't stick around to see. Instead, I pushed out the doors in the back. As fresh air enveloped my lungs, I ran to my home, where I collapsed at the door, not wanting anyone to see me cry.

Love fades. Mine has.

**Author's Note:**

> I WROTE THIS SIX MONTHS AGO DONT JUDGE IT TOO HARD + THANK YOU FOR READING!


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